This is an actual job application from a 17 year old boy to McDonalds, and he got the job for being so honest and funny.
Name: *******
Sex: Not yet I'm saving myself for the right person.
Desired position: Company's President/Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Desired Salary: $185,000 a year plus stock option and should it not work out - a Michael Ovitz style severance package. Seriously, make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes
Last position held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I am worth.
Most notable achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it pads.
Reason for leaving: It sucked.
Hours available to work: Any.
Preferred hours: 1.30 - 3.30pm (with 1/2 hour lunch break). Monday ,
Tuesday & Thursday only.
Do you have any special skills? Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment.
May we contact your current employer - If I had one, would I be here?
Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 lbs? Of what?
Do you have a car - I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
Have you received any special awards or recognition? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstake.
Do you smoke? On the job - no, during breaks yes.
What would you like to be doing in five years? - Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy sexy super model blonde, who thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread. - There again I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? - Yes, Absolutely.
Sign Here: Aries.
