Funny quotes!

[Shinmaru]

Alright, I know you've read them... so now, post'em!

Here I go:

80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead!
Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion....
Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

Little boy kills a butterfly,
Dad says no butter for two weeks!
Again boy kills a honeybee.
Dad says no honey for two weeks!
Oneday mum kills a cockroach,
boy turns to dad and says are you going to tell her something or shall I!?!

Who said car names don't have
meanings ? ? ?
FORD: For Only Rough Drivers.
HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive... .
VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object.
PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything.
OPEL: Old People Enjoying Life
TOYOTA: The One You Only Trust, Always.
HONDA: Hung Over, Now Driving Away
KIA : Kills In Accident
BMW: Brings Me Women..

 

[Prest]

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

^^.

 

[Shinmaru]

Here's a Touching Story:
Once upon a time there was a little boy playing with his dog. The boy touched the dog, the dog touched the boy, he touhed it again, it touched him again, mom came and touched the boy, boy touches mom, mom touches dog, dog touches mom... OH!!! What a TOUCHING Story!!

The following actually happened...
Mom: You're grounded and can't watch tv!
Me: psh, I'll just ask Dad
A few moments later
Me:Hey dad
Dad: Yes?
Me: Can I watch TV?
Dad: Sure........ Just don't turn it on. MUHAHA
Me: "Poker face

i just got my driving license
as i was driving my grandmother to the nearby church, we finally arrived after a short rough time
when she get out from the car she said "thank you" and i replied "dont mention it"
she then slam the door and said "im not talking to you, im talking to god"

Teacher: No iPods iPhones , Blackberry's allowed in school.
Student: Like eminem is gonna rap the answers -,-

As I tucked my daughter into bed she said, "I asked Santa if he could get you and mummy back together"
I said, "Oh Lily, why did you do that?"
She said, "Because I hate you and I know how miserable she makes you"

> 5[sup]th[/sup]

 

[Amiroslo]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

that wasnt funny ;( it was sad
xD

 

[Macgregor]

These aren't quotes. These are funny stories.

 

[Worr]

Just gonna leave this here: http://otland.net/search.php?searchid=1123872

 

[Prest]

vBulletin Message
Sorry - no matches. Please try some different terms.

 

[Worr]

Fair enough. Look through this guys post: View Profile: Tampon cipka - OtLand

 

[Evan]

that wasnt funny ;( it was sad
xD

You didn't get it did you?

 

[Doniio]

80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead!
Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion....
Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

That was epic hahahaha