Fuck My Life Thread

[Shadowsong]

"It's funny , It's true , except when it happens to you."

Anyway , I'm sure lot of you know about FMLs and main site where they are posted. I am scrolling through the site last hour and I found some really really funny.

I'd like you all to read some on FML: Your everyday life stories and post here the ones you thought that were the most funny.

LOL;

"Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML"

"Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML"

"Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML"

"Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML"

 

[Sharp]

Ha i haven't been on this site in ages xD
Macronie piss off if you have nothing to contribute :]

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML

 

[IMac]

Ha i haven't been on this site in ages xD
Macronie piss off if you have nothing to contribute :]

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML

ehh no?

 

[Alyhide]

Look My Sig

 

[Peroxide]

Macoronie, just fuck off seriously, otherwise, contribute something...

"Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML"

"Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML"

"Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML"

 

[Shadowsong]

Macoronie, just fuck off seriously, otherwise, contribute something...
"Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML"

LOL

keep posting xD

 

[cake]

Today, while tired from work I decided to sit down on the bus station seat, 2 hours later, I was asleep and people were throwing coins in my cap and there was a sign near me that said "Don't Let Society Sink This Low." FML

 

[Micce]

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML