Rate ma Jokes

[yuster]

If you don't like them either make better ones or go away.

 

[Doniio]

here is the biggest joke ever: OTlands members

 

[Amiroslo]

Where is like button?

 

[Ecstacy]

How many dead babies do you need to paint your house?

- Depends on how hard you throw them.

 

[Amiroslo]

- Depends on how hard you throw them.

Hahahahahahahah nice one 9/10

Rihana was going to kill her self, so she went to the train and opened her leg, next day they wrote on the newspaper that the train dissapeard!
Xd

 

[Beyond]

Nice one haha 6/10

Google: "I know everything!"
Facebook: "I know everyone!"
Internet: "Shut up!, you're nothing without me!"
Electrics: "Yeye, keep talking bitches!"

 

[Amiroslo]

Jajaja
7/10

My 83 year old neighbour got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.

 

[Joepod]

Meh..

3/10


Why did the lion get lost?

Because jungle is massive.

HAHAHAHHAHHHAAHAHAH

 

[Ecstacy]

0/10..

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
he sits down and sees his clothing in fron of him, all clean and pressed.
Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless and clean.
So was the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table,
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.

Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"


His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said:
"Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

 

[Doniio]

Did you guys hear that they are back together after all the shit?

- Who?

- The butt cheeks hahahahahaha

 

[Yodot]

3/10

Paddy had been drinking at his local dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating st patrick's day. Mick, the bartender says, 'you'll not be drinking anymore tonight, paddy'. Paddy replies, 'ok Mick, i'll be on my way then'.

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his face. 'shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'shoite, shoite!'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. 'bi'jesus..... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'no fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'i can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

He says 'fock it' and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'get up paddy.

Did you have a bit to drink last night?' paddy says, 'i did, Jess.. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.

Cheers.

 

[EverOTs]

if I didn't laugh, does that mean I got bad humor?

 

[Amiroslo]

bump

 

[walkingdragon]

So there was this dude that lost his girlfriend and couldn't get another, nor could he get laid. Well he went to his friends house and asked him if there was a brother near by, well his friend replied "Yes there is, it's just down the street around the corner. You can't miss it." he said. Well after awhile he got ready to leavin his friends house and his friend called him and said "Don't get sand paper sally" his friend said and he asked "Why not?" and his friend replied "Trust me you don't wanna know..." So he heads to the brothel and enters and sees a beautiful receptionist and he walks up to her and asks "Excuse me ma'am do you have any ladies in tonight?", she looked at the roster and replied "I'm sorry the only one we got available right now is Sally..." He looked at her and said "Ok, I'll wait then" so he pulls up a chair and waits for about an hour. Well he starts getting a little antsy and gets back up and walks back up to the receptionist and asks "Excuse me ma'am do you have any other ladies in yet?", she looks at him apologetically and replies: "I'm sorry sir, we only got sally in tonight..." He thinks for abit and replies "Ok, I'll take her" Well he enters a room and he sits down on the bed and gets ready when a blond girl walks in. As you can imagen this girl was beautiful, her body was perfect in size comparisan from breast to ass. Well she gets on the bed and they get into position and he goes to stick it in and after he gets the head in he pulls back out and says "OW! WTF?! It feels like there's sandpaper in your vagina!" sally gets up and walks to the bathroom and says "I'll be right back", after twenty minutes of waiting she finally comes back out and they get back in position, well he sticks it in and they have sex. After they finish he rolls over panting and looks at her and asks "How'd you make it feel so good?" she looked back at him and replied "Oh I just picked the scabs and let the puss flow free"

His face was:

 

[Amiroslo]

I didnt get that part?

Oh I just picked the scabs and let the puss flow free

what does it mean! I guess its the best part

 

[walkingdragon]

I didnt get that part?

what does it mean! I guess its the best part

That be the punchline matey!

 

[Peroxide]

I didnt get that part?

what does it mean! I guess its the best part

Puss is that gooey yellow stuff

 

[Rugged Mage]

I think people need to find better jokes, I didn't laugh at one of these. But, I have no jokes either.

 

[Prest]

3 young kids were chilling in a park and one of them says "Dude I think I have the smallest head in the world" the other one says "I think I have the smallest ears in the world" and the last one says "I think I have the smallest penis in the world", so they go to Guiness World Record, the first kid comes back happy "Yay I have the smallest head in the world!", the second one says "Yay I have the smallest ears in the world!" and the last one comes back pissed off and says "WHO THE FUCK IS JUSTIN BIEBER!?"

 

[Amiroslo]

hahaha