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The Accident

Qknight

Qknight

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A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
 
ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkkkk girls !
always the same !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Rude or not, that's frigging brilliant!
 
Little Johnny went out into the garden and saw his cat Snuggles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. He fetched his Dad to look at Snuggles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, “I’m afraid Snuggles is dead, Johnny.”

“So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?” asked Little Johnny as he fought back tears.

At a loss for words the father replied, “Snuggles’ legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Snuggles right up to heaven.”

Little Johnny seemed to take his Snuggles’ death quite well upon hearing what his father said. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Johnny had tears in his eyes once more and said: “Mommy almost died this morning.”

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook his son and shouted, “How do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!”

“Well”, mumbled Johnny, “soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, “Oh Jesus!!! I’m coming, I’m coming!!!” and if it hadn’t been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy”.
 
Man goes to $5 prostitute, gets crabs, goes back next day to complain, prostitute says "it was only $5, what do u want lobster?"
 
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